Then, the news reports started coming out of China, news reports of Cruise Ships being stranded and people on board getting sick, people not allowed to come on to land. Even then we didn’t quite realise the impact this was going to have on us, as individuals, a country, the world, the economy..........it seemed so remote. Then panic rose and our world imploded.
It started with the kind of bizarre behaviour that only mankind can produce, loo roll stockpiling! The supermarkets went mad! Pasta, flour, yeast were non existent, shelves literally bare in every town across the country. Queuing outside supermarkets through the car park became our new normal as Boris announced Lockdown.
Our world shrunk around us and new vocabulary entered our consciousness.
Covid 19
Daily government briefings with Boris and Whitty.
Work from home, protect the NHS
Nightingale Hospital
Teaching moved on line, parents becoming main educators
Joe Wicks keeps the nation fit
Furlough and grants
Clapping for the NHS
Getting to know my neighbors
Distanced chatting in front gardens from gate to door
Rainbows in windows
Roads so quiet, barely any traffic
Anxiety rising, overwhelming fear
Daily meditation with Jay Shetty
Salsa styling classes on line in my kitchen
Loungewear
Weight gain
Walking to keep fit and discovering new places
On line quizzes and games
Lockdown beards
Home haircuts ( and in my case making the move to stop dying my hair )
Zoom therapy sessions for Luke and a support group for me
Lockdown viewing wish list
Masks
Hand gel
Temperature checks
Covid tests (x3) and relief when negative result
Isolating
Protecting vulnerable family
No hugging
Elbow bumps and toe taps
One way systems
Restaurants, theatres, pubs, hairdressers closed, essential shopping only
Holidays canceled
Theatre trips canceled
Eat out to help out
Working through lockdown
Being a keyworker
Bubbles
Tier system rollercoaster
Being kind and the kindness of strangers
Good friends
Brexit back in the news again, deal finally agreed
New variant spreading fast
Vaccine hope
Countries shutting their boarders
Lorries stacked up in Dover
Christmas is not cancelled but Christmas is different this year
Quiet New Year celebrations at home.
Quite a sobering list huh! But there have been many highlights and good times amongst all that.
Amongst the positives are that I got to spend time with the 3 most important people in my life. I got to see more of my daughter Beth as she would normally be working, we were able to go on some lovely walks together, I’m so glad she was staying at my Mums when all this kicked off, it would have been awful had she been living on her own further away and she’s been a great support to my Mum and Eddie too.
I got to spend more quality time with Luke too as we shared time cooking together which was lovely.
But also to spend more time with Ian and we’ve had to do things differently this year, visited places together we would never have found if it weren’t for the restrictions we’ve been living under, lavender farms, sunflower fields, Downton Abbey with Uncle Andy and Aunty Val, drive in movies, walks in the woods etc. We have grown even closer together and have taken it in turns to give and receive support when needed, which we have always done, but I think this year we have reached an even deeper understanding of what we need individually and as a couple. For instance Ian quickly worked out that when I was feeling trapped inside and life spiralling out of our control and my anxiety was sky high that he needed to get me out, quite literally! “ come on, we’re going for a walk, where shall we go?” became a regular thing back in the Spring/ Summer. This year has cemented our relationship into even deeper footings, we’ve been through a lot this year and have done a lot of soul searching. In adverse times you find out a lot about yourself and what you need individually and as a couple and you find about a lot about other people. Much like when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
Sadly In my quest to carve out my future with Ian and have financial independence I’ve managed to upset and hurt my sister (and my mum) which was not something I ever set out to do. Things are broken down with my sister at the moment but I’ll keep throwing out olive branches. I hope that next year I can reach an understanding with her but It’s been an unbelievably painful, hurtful and upsetting time.
Ian proposed to me in October in a beautiful way at the V&A and we have planned a very small wedding in February which at the moment have no idea if it will be able to go ahead. We’re ok with it though, It will happen at some point and in some form next year but it’s not in our control. We are delighted and excited nevertheless and very much looking forward to becoming Mr & Mrs Foreman.
I’ve reached my 10yr cancerversary mark as the year draws to a close which is a good feeling. My anxiety around my cancer returning is quietening every year now which is a relief. It’s taken such a long time.
My life has been made richer by my close friendship groups this year, I have friends that always have my back, make me laugh, share my joy and pain ( and wine) and am looking forward to some good times to come, including hopefully a wedding reception!! I need to throw my bouquet!!
So, this year has been far from ideal but I take courage from the good moments, my glass is still half full. I’m thankful that we have made it through the last 9 months with all our friends and family still safe and well and hope that as we look forward on the brink of a new year that this remains so. We are not out of the woods yet with Covid but I hope that we can begin to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Until then I’ll strike a match and light the way myself!
All that remains is to thank you for being metaphorically by my side this year, for all your love and kindness and good wishes. I hope that you’ve been able to look back and find some positives from 2020. Keep looking up, for rainbows and stars and find all the good moments to focus on.
Happy new year. I’ll look forward to sharing many happy times with you in 2021.
Love Emma xxxx
