Things happening in my life at the moment have put me in a reflective mood.
One of my Mums was in floods this morning at the door (I'm afraid I had a tear or 2 as well) as she had woken to the news that her friend had died of cancer this morning just 3 weeks after diagnosis aged just 40 the same as I was diagnosed.
I have lost too many friends in the last few years to this disease that I am fighting and so far winning against.....it is war, which made me feel sad and scared and alive in equal measure.
Whilst I take time to remember the friends that are no longer with me I also choose to honour them the only way I know how.
By living. Really living.
I choose not to waste a minute of this time I have above ground.
There is a saying that it's the things that we don't do in life that we regret not the things we do, because even when we fail, or things go badly we learn from them and frankly it's plain daft to let the past dictate your future. This is not a dress rehearsal.
So what started off as a bucket list for my 40th has sort of turned into a life choice. To live with passion.
I will continue to laugh (and cry) to not deny my emotions but to write my feelings down honestly which helps me make better sense of them as I can get a bit overwhelmed.
I want to see and create beauty, to inspire and be inspired, to make time to breathe and grow and dance and fall in love.
To be a yes man. To grab opportunities for adventure with both hands.
To learn new things, and allow myself to make mistakes, pick myself up and carry on.
I notice the small things because usually they are the big things.
I will tell my friends and family how much I love them and value their support and more importantly show them.
I will make time for my children and my God children and create wonderful memories with them.
I will continue to pay it forward and do random acts of kindness because it makes the world a better place to live in.
I will push myself to do things that scare me because to not do all these things would be a dis service to myself and those I've lost.
And if your lucky......I will take you on my journey with me!
Saturday, 13 June 2015
There is just 18 months between my sister and I, me being the elder.
We went through years of hating each other as teenagers but now we are the very best of friends.
We are intrinsically the same but very different people.
We have the same history yet have travelled very different paths.
She is my rock, my voice of reason, my confidant, my liberation and so much more that I can not put in to words.
I never laugh so hard as when I have her by my side. She is one of the constants in my life.
I know that she feels the burden of my selfish reliance and childish naivety sometimes and for that I feel guilty.
She is the strongest and most generous person that I know, absolutely unwavering with her kindness to myself and my children for which I am eternally grateful.
Jo has seen me through our Fathers passing and my Breast Cancer and her support is unending.
She has quietly and patiently watched me suffer 25yrs years of abuse and sadness in an unhappy marriage waiting for me to find the strength to leave and then offered me a lifeline helping me to buy my home which is a debt I can never hope to repay.
She helps me to be strong and to grow as a person and will always call me out when I'm being an idiot.
She is my older and wiser baby sister, the ying to my yang, the gin to my tonic, the Ant to my Dec and I love her more than words can say.
We go together like Birds of a Feather.
Happy Birthday baby sis
I love you xx